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  • Writer's pictureMr. Jamoke

Taxes

The government steals 40% of my income. Forty f-ing percent! This is an outrageous and unwarranted heist.


For starters, let me set the record straight: I am not rich. I know that this is shocking. One would think that the ad revenue and subscription fees from this publication alone would transform the entire jamoke staff into one percenters but such is not the case.


My car….. My car is old enough to vote. In three years, I’m gonna take it out for cocktails. In 7 years, my car will be able to rent a buddy. Worse yet, my now adult car (at a whopping Kelly Blue Book value $2300) is the most valuable thing I own. I do not own property. I rented a one-bedroom apartment with three other heartbeats until the tender age of 35, at which point we “went big” and rented a two-bedroom apartment. I don’t have a gambling problem, a high-end drug addiction, or a penchant for Fabergé eggs.


Perhaps the most convincing piece of evidence that I am not wealthy: Rich people don’t pay 40% in taxes. They find deductions, shell corporations in Antigua, trusts structured by elite, tax-evading accountants and wind up with an effective tax rate of 12%.


Neither am I the benefactor of a fantastic social infrastructure secured for me by my government. I love (more like, “loathe”) the argument that 40% is actually low compared to the Scandinavian countries where tax rates can be in the 60s. The Swedes get free healthcare, free education, and a fat pension. Do you? Of course not, but here is what you do get for your 40%:


· Healthcare: Your daily wage is dramatically reduced from what it otherwise could be because your employer has to subsidize your over-priced and underperforming healthcare. Nonetheless, with each passing year your deductible and co-pay increase.

· Education: From the moment your child is born you set up a Gerber Life College Plan which siphons another 5% out of your paycheck. 22 years and $200k later your son graduates with a theater degree from Vassar having picked up no life skills but plenty of entitlement. He lives with you until he’s 30.

· Pension: Hahahahahaha. Pension!? In five years, Social Security will be unable to pay its obligation to retirees. Let that register for a second. They’re taking YOUR money out of YOUR paycheck but the program will be insolvent by the time you retire.

· Crime: Did someone steal your Christmas packages from outside your door? Tough! The state of California doesn’t give a sh!t. Did someone mug you at gunpoint? You’re still alive though, right? So shut the fuck up and don’t waste the officer or DA’s time.


Worse than any of the above realities is that the government wastes your money. Even when the intentions are good, the execution is atrocious and the money is squandered. $6M dollars to help the homeless. A noble and valiant goal, but here is what actually happens to that money:


· $1M dedicated to legal and administrative fees associated with the bidding process

· $1.5M dedicated to a contractor that “consults” on how the program should be implemented.

· $1.5M dedicated to a 2nd contractor that “implements” the program but has staffed the project with schmucks who are “learning on the fly” while the millionaire partners in the firm pad their pockets with the margin.

· $1M goes to a 3rd contractor that is in charge of reporting and “showing the value” of the project.

· $1M to pay the salaries of a series of do-nothing Federal “program managers” who delegate busywork to their contractors while creeping on past romantic partners on Instagram.


The result of all these good intentions: 2000 homeless guys received new blankets at a whopping average cost to the taxpayer of $3000 a blanket while a slew of douchebags in Northern Virginia bought new Audis with your money. No wonder our politicians in Washington DC (regardless of party affiliation) have a seemingly endless appetite to spend more – they’re a hookworm in the middle class’s intestine.


Perhaps the best summary of our elites’ approach to the American taxpayer comes courtesy of the legendary Robin Hood character Sir Hiss:


“Sire, you have a remarkable skill for encouraging contributions from the poor.”

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