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  • Writer's pictureMr. Jamoke

Brief Hiatus

A letter from the staff:

As some of you may know, our intrepid editor-in-chief Jay Moke recently became a parent. After visiting him twice earlier this week to discuss this publication’s 2023 strategy, we have come to the conclusion that he is mentally unfit at this time and we must temporarily suspend new entries.

The first red flag appeared last Sunday when we found him in the park in pajama pants and a hockey jersey asking unnerved strangers: “What day is it?”. The second red flag occurred when we reconvened Monday at his home. He was surrounded by four actively burning candles (each of a different scent), sporting the same hockey jersey, eyes bloodshot, just standing in place with a glazed look and diaper in each hand. This clearly wasn’t going to be a productive meeting.

Nonetheless, we foolishly persevered. He interrupted the discussion every 90 seconds demanding an answer: “Do you smell shit? I feel like it smells like shit in here. This kid definitely took a shit. I can feel it!” In the rare moments when Mr. Moke wasn’t inquiring about feces, he would ask us what time it was. Upon learning that it was late afternoon, he would moan in response: “F---, I haven’t even showered yet.” This painful two-topic Q&A continued for an hour before we wished him well and left.

We suspect that at least one of the following two things have occurred since the baby was born. (1) Sleep deprivation has turned his brain into a ball of mush (2) Between the family pets and the newborn, those three prolific buttholes have driven him mad. There is only so much poop a man can deal with each day before sanity recedes.

Whatever the case, our editor-in-chief is clearly incapacitated. As for the staff, we are taking this opportunity to go on strike. Our only form of payment these last three years has come in the form of (1) empty promises about future success (2) Dave and Buster’s prize tickets (3) douchey comments from Moke such as: “The reward, is the experience.”

Fear not though, dear reader. Our editor-in-chief will regain his mental faculties in January (after all, how hard is it to refill a teaspoon?) and we will be back with more mediocre content. In the meantime, Merry Christmas / Happy Holidays and a prosperous New Year.

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