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  • Writer's pictureMr. Jamoke

At least 60% of your colleagues

Are incompetent. At least. It's 15 minutes into my workday and I'm already pissed. I've gotten two emails asking, "what's the status of this, I want to make sure I don't lose track". Are you fucking kidding me!? In both instances there have been between 5-10 emails on this matter and a meeting booked for either today or tomorrow to take the initiative further. "Lose track!?", bro, you were never "on" track. It's not that people are stupid, it's just that they don't give a shit. Why pay attention and take pride in your work when you can float effortlessly like a turd in the sewer and still get paid. The weakness of corporate America can be summarized in this way: "The hiring process is a disgrace and not enough people get fired".

Then you have the higher ups who are bugging you about updating PowerPoints and excel sheets all day. I have to gently remind these cats weekly that this is "non-value-added work". Luckily, I usually win these battles. "Can you boil down these four slides into two slides?". Fuck no! I don't have time for that shit. Our mission here is to "Improve the lives of seniors by providing the next generation of healthcare technology”. Spending 3 hours tweaking PowerPoint ain't gonna make anybody healthier. Plus, boss, there's a reason the PowerPoint was 4 slides to begin with - cause we need that content.

But we will rise to the top my friends. It's inevitable given the statistic that I just spouted at you. The cream always rises in time. And then I'll fire the shit out of people. "Right to work" states are the key. "It took you four days to answer an elementary email and even then, your answer was inconclusive. Pack your shit and get the fuck outta here!" There will be 10 billion people in the world soon, why deal with incompetence when there are so many alternatives. Remember, the key is to have the fired person hold their own box of belongings when they’re escorted out. That way, they can’t clock you in a fit of rage and frustration.

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