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  • Writer's pictureMr. Jamoke

Days Like This

I woke up at 5 AM this morning for no apparent reason. This is probably the core reason why I'm grumpy. My work computer is malfunctioning - no outlook, no skype, shuts down every now and then, etc. Imbeciles keep emailing me with incomplete information. "I'll loop in Victor to present. He is cc-ed here". Present what!? Present to whom? When!? WTF is wrong with these people? These are 45-year-old men and women emailing me and I have to ask them for clarification the way my dad did to me when I was a punkass 12-year-old: "Who is 'they'?" "Where did you go?" Who was with you?"


The dogs are on me like Darelle Revis in his prime; not an inch of physical separation. My company is broke and cutting back on bonuses substantially - something I knew was going to happen but I'm continuously more and more agitated by the stupidity of our leadership. Ivy League MBAs that can't manage their way out of a wet paper bag. And when I end my workday, I have to spend the evening at this charity fundraiser I didn’t want to go to in the first place. A nice little slap in the face: “You’ll be making a lot less money than you thought this year, so have fun giving your money away in 6 hours, douchebag.” Stale hors d’oeuvres and getting guilt tripped to spend more money and bid on more crap I don’t want because “it all goes to a good cause” is the exact opposite of what I need right now.


I'll tell you what the doctor ordered. The moment my work and charity related errands end, I'm getting fucked up. Not the kind of fun, let's go out and be social fucked up. NO, I'm talking about the kind of inebriation that I haven't (fortunately) pursued in years. The, "I need to scramble my brain and forget this day ASAP" type of inebriation. The fucked up that just goes for maximum damage as fast as possible. I'm gonna toke hard and then slug incredibly stiff cocktails at a rapid pace. No conversations, no "let’s go out and meet up with this other couple." Nada. Just a man getting crushed by himself. I'll probably start out by reading some heavy literature and, sometime within 30-45 minutes, I’ll be too crushed to read Calvin and Hobbs let alone a novel.


I also have a strong urge to yell at the TV. I don't know why.


Some freak I've never heard of named Tyler Kim has sent me 4 emails in the last 5 minutes. If I were to guess, he's 25 years old or under. Nobody over 30 can be that ruthlessly inefficient with communications. This jamoke probably can't distinguish between snapchat, WhatsApp and a work communication. This is the future of America boys. We're screwed

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