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  • Writer's pictureMr. Jamoke

Overconfident Nerds

I’m currently unintentionally eavesdropping on this cat’s performance review. I’m here hiding in the corner of the office (because I’m trying to do homework for my certificate program without anyone knowing) and they sat near me not knowing I’m here. Anyway, the point is this:

The guy administering the review is a gigantic nerd (gigantic not in stature but in concentration of nerdiness). A fat, little, red-headed dude who boasts a very meek, nasally, stereotype-enforcing voice and speech pattern. He’s telling my other colleague (who is a typical guy’s guy and quite large/strong in physical stature) about all his weaknesses and areas in which he should take more initiative and improve, etc. It’s gotta be so hard for the recipient of this performance review to take this dweeb seriously. Some chubby, poor excuse of a man with a pipsqueak voice telling you about your weaknesses. I look at this cat and just envision a nasty little wiener kid who got bullied all day, EVERY day. His hair wet from swirlies, his dad cleaning egg yolk off the house every Saturday morning, people throwing food at him, maybe the occasional bitch slap just to show your dominance (followed by him crying and reporting you to the teacher), etc. I’m sorry but 10-20 years later this cat still commands no authority and has no presence. It may be unfair and irrational but tell me it wouldn’t be extremely hard to take this guy or his advice seriously.

I’m not even the subject of this performance review and I’m getting riled up and angry listening to it. If it were me having my performance reviewed I’d be tempted to grab the notebook out of his hands, stuff it in the trash, and challenge him: “What are you gonna do about it, pussy!?”. I don’t know when we’ll shake off these high school urges, if ever. At this point though, as I sit in the corner like a creep, part of me is gearing up to potentially break up a fight (a one-sided one no doubt) in case the big dude loses his corporate polish and reverts the social pecking order to what it no doubt was 15 years ago.

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